Have you ever come to a point when you know deep down it’s time to move on with your life, and as much as you try to fight it, you have to keep moving forward because you know you simply can’t stay where you’re at any longer?
That’s the point I was at when I moved from Colorado to San Diego in July of 2014. And, that’s the point I was at when I moved back to Colorado this month, January 2018.
I’d never experienced such raw, aching emotional discomfort until I realized I had to make the move to San Diego back in 2014. I was terrified. I’d only spent a couple days visiting before the move, and didn’t know anyone (except for one cousin) in the area. I was scared to leave Colorado, the only place I’d ever lived, and yet, I knew I couldn’t stay. Before the move, I spent months wallowing in indecision and denial.
And this time, coming back, the transition was equally as uncomfortable.
I spent practically all of 2017 resisting change, pretending I could make things work in San Diego. My relationship with my boyfriend, as much as I adored him, was not working. On top of that, I had set my intentions on building a business, but, after being laid off from my corporate job two and a half years ago and living above my very limited means since then, found myself so stressed out about money that I was having trouble focusing on anything else. As much as I wanted it to be otherwise, building my business from a place of lack was not working.
By the end of 2017, newly single and swimming in debt, I was exhausted. It was then that I finally stopped resisting and made the decision to move home to Colorado, opting to spend a few months staying with family and resetting my life.
When friends and family have asked about my move, I haven’t been quite sure what to say. Finances are a taboo topic, and it’s taken me a long time to feel even remotely okay being vulnerable about my financial struggles. But even so, are finances the reason I moved home? Truthfully, no.
Through it all, I have, and still do, believe that my thoughts determine my reality, and as cliché as it is, “where there’s a will there’s a way!”
Had I wanted to stay in San Diego above all else, I would have made it work. I would have made the sacrifices necessary. I would have worked 100 hour weeks and put my health on the back burner to save my finances.
But Colorado presented better options. While I’ve discovered I have no desire to make Colorado my forever home, I do know Colorado means time with family. It means building my business while keeping my living expenses low. It means stepping up to the personal growth plate and embracing the challenges that come with living at home after being on my own for the past 10 years. It means the opportunity to start fresh, to reevaluate where I am and where I want to be, and to be even more intentional with my life.
Before leaving San Diego, I made an appointment at one of the local tattoo shops. For years I’d been considering a tattoo, but, like so many areas in my life, never fully committed. So, on my second to last day in San Diego, I had the word “evolve” permanently inked into my skin. The word serves not only as a marker for this transition time in my life, but also as a reminder to continually strive towards becoming the next best version of myself, and to embrace the process and challenges that allow me to become the person I am meant to be.